Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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