i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
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the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
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Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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