oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
being pregnant is like rehab
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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