if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
