Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
