What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
