I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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