i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
