before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
