your room smells of hookers.
And success
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
