thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
