I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
