What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
