If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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