I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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