you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
