This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
