Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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