my soul wont recognize me after tonight
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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