I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
