I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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