Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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