you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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