here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
