I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
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