somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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