hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
