My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
