Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
