It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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