I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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