woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
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I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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