Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
