I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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