Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
