thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
