my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
