I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
