Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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