is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
