She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
