ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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