I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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