i think my tv is drunk
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
