my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
