I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
