I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
