party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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