What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
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So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
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I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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