he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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