he told me I talked like a deaf person
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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