Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
