So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
