Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
