i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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