he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
