I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
