Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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