Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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