Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
