Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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