I'm jealous of your bromance
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
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