ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
