so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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