Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
