laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
