I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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