I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
