R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
