I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
