that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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