I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize