the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
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