i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
