I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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