Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
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Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
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They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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