She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
