I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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