on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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