I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
