Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
